What is Real?

In society today we see a lot of comments about what defines a “real” woman or man. In fact just yesterday I saw a usually very intelligent friend post something about “real men playing hockey and real women being hockey fans”. The flippancy of this statement caught me off guard and made me upset in a very deep way.

Why have we as a society decided to define what makes someone real? Does the way I look, or what I like and don't like, decide whether or not I am achieving the feminine ideal?  As far as I’m concerned, until we are faced with the addition of robots into everyday society (a la Terminator) this “real” or “not real” crap is a joke. Every day we are inundated with “Real women have curves”, “Real men cry (or don’t cry)”, “Real professionals wear suits” and the list goes on. Why is a woman with a voluptuous body more real than a starving mother in Africa, or an Olympic athlete? Why is an openly sensitive man more real than a man who expresses his emotions through other mediums? Why does being gay make you less of a man or more of a woman? These definitions are silly and quite frankly irrational. We are all real. We are all flesh, blood, spirit and brains. I am a woman, but more importantly I am a human. I am not a cyborg because I have an athletic build and not Marilyn Monroe's curves or Audrey Hepburn’s delicate frame. My husband is not an extraterrestrial being because he doesn't cry during the “Notebook”.

Realness is not something you achieve; it is something that is true the moment you are conceived. You can never in your life be more or less real, and society has no jurisdiction over this fact. You are real, you are human, you are an incredible being. Whether you define yourself as feminine, masculine, childish, adult or any other “category”, you are that thing. You are the only one who can define yourself and no matter what that definition may be, you are and always will be “real”. 

The Ultimate Mac n' Cheese

 I am sure I'm not the only one who's appetite mysteriously begins to change this time of year. With the cooler weather comes those "comfort food" cravings, and nothing is quite as comforting as homemade Mac n' Cheese. While the hubs (when I'm watching) and I usually try to avoid most carbs we always give ourselves "cheat days", especially this time of year. I have a seriously passionate relationship with cheese so for me the ultimate cheat dish is my "Ultimate Mac n' Cheese". This is the perfect meal for a cool Sunday afternoon, especially in front of some football. I've added a few little bonus extras to my Mac that truly take it to a whole new level. This meal is not for the faint of heart, but is worth every. single. calorie. That is a promise.

Ahhh, beautiful cheese. I take this ingredient pretty seriously and don't mess around with the star of the show. I always try to go with creamy cheeses, but mix it up every time I make this dish. It's whatever jumps out at me and this time it was these three handsome fellows. I always get a bag or two of shredded cheddar too, as a backup dancer. Once I've admired the cheese as much as possible, I move on to actually preparing some of the ingredients. I start with 4-5 shallots (this is key, regular onions just aren't the same) sliced as thin as possible, so that when cooked they basically dissolve into the dish. 

For mushrooms I almost always use Baby Bellas (cut in half), but any wild mushroom would work.

My number one cooking ingredient is a glass of wine. Seriously, is it even possible to cook without drinking wine?! My number one bottle right now is Cupcake Vineyard's "Red Velvet". It's a red blend and goes with just about everything (trust me I've tested this). 

Once the mushrooms and shallots are ready to go I start shredding cheese. I basically shred all the cheese, then add in the cheddar. You can't really overdo this ingredient so don't be scared if it seems like an obscene amount.

Make sure the different cheeses are all mixed up. Hands work best!

Next, I get my saute on. Basically I "sweat" the shallots with olive oil so they start to get all soft and aromatic, then I add in the mushrooms, browning them slowly. You are not looking to cook these things so much they turn to mush, as they will be cooked even more once in the oven. 

This has got to be one of the best smells in the world!

Next I add some Sausage, my husband is a firm believer in the idea that a meal is not complete without meat, so this was a natural choice for me. Can't say I mind it much myself either!

Once everything is cooked through (but not overcooked) I put it in a bowl or container, cover it, and set it aside for later. Next up is the magic sauce. I start with about 3-4 cups of WHOLE milk and heat it to a "pre-boiling" point. Once it is heated I start adding the cheese slowly while stirring constantly. You should add about half of the cheese that you have. I also add a good amount of pepper and a tiny bit of Italian seasoning.

After about 5-7 minutes your sauce should start to look all melty and frothy. DO NOT heat past this point! When cheese is overcooked the protein molecules (look how smart I am) start to separate and that's when your sauce will start to get grainy. I have made this mistake multiple times and can't stress enough how important this step is. Before taking the sauce off the heat I add one last and very special ingredient...

I LOVE  truffle oil, but a little goes a long way so just a splash or two will do. We got this bottle online as it's hard to find around us, even at specialty stores. It's expensive but will last forever and is totally worth the investment. It really brings out different flavors and adds a kick to everything! Once the sauce is done I start to put everything together. 

Once you've added the sausage mixture and the cheese sauce add the rest of the shredded cheese (leave a little to sprinkle on top) and just stir it all together. At this point you should be drooling (if you are human). Throw it in the oven at 350 for about 35-45 minutes or until it begins to brown on the top.

Our Kitty "Spike" wanted to add Cat Nip to the Mac n' Cheese but I told him no, so he seasoned himself instead and then proceeded to pass out.

After about 40 minutes I pulled the pan out of the oven and got down to business. Serving this little beauty is pretty simple. One scoop will usually put you into a cheese coma so don't overdo the servings. I sprinkled a little cut up parsley to make it look pretty and we got our gluttony on. 

The Final Product

If you're looking for comfort food, look no further than this recipe. It will satisfy you in the way that only something this sinful can. Enjoy, and don't forget that glass of wine, it makes everything better!

Love and Peace,

10 Things I've Learned in My First Year of Marriage

Our one year anniversary is right around the corner which got me to thinking about the past year and what a lucky lady I am. Marriage is so controversial these days and it seems like a rarity to see a couple actually make it. I cannot know what the future may hold but I know that I will take every year, every month and every day with my amazing husband, as a blessing. The following list is not coming from an expert, and I don't expect ANYONE to take my advice as most of these are still a work in progress for me, but so far this is what I have learned. 

1. Say “I love you” every day (and truly mean it). This one should be a no brainer, but with busy lives I think it often gets forgotten. There are even couples who are dating who rarely say it. Letting your partner know they are loved and appreciated is so important, but this shouldn't be a throwaway phrase. When you say it, look them in the eye and let the weight of those words fall on them.

2. Fights will happen. But, when they do they should make you stronger as a couple. Yell, scream, cry, but always come to a conclusion. Talk it out. Talk so much that you both want to tear your hair out. Talk so much that you forget why the fight started. Talk so much that you actually learn something new about your partner. When it’s all done, hug each other, apologize and forgive, and refer to number one.

3. Date. I know this one is cliché but it is so true. Make the time to date your spouse. Go out to your favorite restaurant, put your phones away, and just simply enjoy the company of the person you chose to spend your life with. Make these moments count, this is what life and love is really about. Connecting with another person and enjoying what the world has to offer, together.

4. Dress to Impress. I know your spouse should (and probably does) love you with no makeup on and dirty hair, but they shouldn’t have to all the time. Once in a while put on a pretty dress, curl your hair, use some blush (or the male equivalent to these things), and do it just for them. This will not only be a reminder of how lucky they are, but will also boost your confidence, which we all know is the sexiest thing of all.

5. Grow Individually. Read, write, exercise, start new hobbies. Whatever you do, just keep growing as a person. Keep getting excited about things, keep finding passion in new places, keep surprising yourself and your spouse. You fell in love when you were both dynamic individuals, don’t stop being those people.

6. Grow Together. Lasting relationships are always changing. Don’t expect to be the same couple that you were 10, 5 or even 1 year ago. As you find new strengths and weaknesses in yourselves, you will find them in each other. There will be highs, and there will be lows and you will learn how to adapt together. You will become a team, taking on new challenges and coming out the other end as something different, something stronger.

7. Play. Don’t take yourself or your partner too seriously. Be a goofball, get into tickle fights, and chase each other around the house. Cultivate your sense of humor and practice it on them. I remember being a little kid and thinking marriage was going to be awesome because I would have someone to play with ALL the time, keep that childish dream alive and have some damn fun!

8. Live in the moment. Everyone gets caught up in planning for the future. Sometimes it’s as if every day is spent simply thinking about the next. In a new marriage the future questions can be deafening. When is it time for the house? When are the kids on the way? While these are questions that need to be considered, it is important to simply enjoy this moment. You have been lucky enough to find someone you like enough to vow your life to them. Enjoy them, be grateful for what you have, make memories together. Savor this period in time right now, it will pass, don’t miss it!

9. Touch each other. Intimacy is a human need, and is one that is often not met. We long for closeness and the feeling of skin on skin. Hold hands, cuddle, scratch each other’s backs, just keep that contact going. A lot of studies say that the first way to tell if a person is “into you” is to see if they make an effort to touch you on a regular basis, this should continue past flirtation. While we are the subject, touch each other in bed too (besides the sex stuff, which is super important but is a subject unto itself) even if it’s just putting your head in the crook of their arm while watching t.v., use that moment to connect.

10. Kiss goodnight and say good morning. No matter what, always kiss each other before rolling over to sleep, you are closing your day together with a moment of pleasure, love and celebration of your union. On that same note, always start your day with a greeting to the most important person in your life. These are simple ways to tell each other, and the universe, that you are taking on the world together, as a team, as husband and wife.

Thank you to my best friend, soul mate and husband for teaching me these things. I look forward to a day 40 years down the road when I can read this with you and laugh about all that we still had to learn. Here's to love and all it's wonders.

Love and Peace,

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